Happy Birthday Old Bill
‘…………so, I jumped into the river, splosh, and swam to the other side, checking over me shoulder as I goes. Big sod was right there so I dug deep, thrashing the water to a froth, reached the bank, pulled meself out, and ran for the car, sopping wet I was. Car key still worked, thank gawd, jumped in a sped off just as the big galoot reached the road. Dodged round him and raced back into town. Bloody nightmare Mr Jackson.’
Sergeant Jackson had listened patiently to Billy’s tale, nodding, occasionally frowning for emphasis.
‘So, Billy. The reason you were wet through and driving more than 60 miles an hour in a built-up area was because a mysterious stranger had pursued you across fields, through a river, and onto the B2099 where you miraculously escaped his villainous intent’.
‘On my life’ said Billy, wide-eyed.
‘And the reason your blood alcohol content was twice the legal limit was………?’
‘Well, as I said, I was proper shaken up by the whole thing sergeant, and I had that bottle of whisky in the glove compartment I’d bought for my old dad’s birthday coming up…….’
‘In four months, Billy?’. Billy senior was no stranger to the constabulary either.
‘Yeah, so I has a few snifters to set me straight. Can’t blame a man after what I’d been through’ Billy reasoned.
‘Ah, blame. Glad you mentioned that. You see, we have Lord Lowther’s gamekeeper here, and he blames you for being on his river earlier today poaching his salmon. Recognised you from before and has photos this time, taken before he challenged you, and you absconded. I’ve seen those photos Billy, so I’ll ask again, do you really expect me to believe your story?’
“Would I lie to you?” smiled Billy.