‘Excuse me, please.’
She is trying to push against a tsunami of people, coming through the school doors. She thinks that if this is lunch or break time, it’s more like a stampede than an orderly progress. Defeated, she steps back, and realises then, that something is wrong. These kids look terrified. Some screaming, some shouting, some crying, but all are in a state of extreme panic. Suddenly there is a hand at her elbow and she turns to see Mr. Grimshaw, a teacher, she vaguely knows. ‘We need to get right away from the school building’ he tells her, as he hustles her along. ‘There’s a shooter in there.’ She follows along in the wake of a stream of pupils, arriving at last at the far side of the playing field, where members of staff are marshalling everyone into some semblance of order. A cacophony of sirens approaches. She must tell Rod, her husband, that something dreadful is happening at the school and that she is fearful for their son, Matt. Rod knows she was to meet the head today about Matt’s behaviour. They’d tried talking to Matt about it, but he’d barricaded himself into his room. They were beside themselves with worry. She reaches for her phone, but sees Matt’s teacher, Miss Edge, and goes over. ‘What’s happened Miss Edge? I was trying to get to a meeting with the head. Matt was in some trouble last week and he wanted to see me about it. Where is Matt? I need to make sure he’s OK. Are some pupils still in there?’ Miss Edge leads her to one side. The kids have overheard and are staring at her hard, and whispering amongst themselves. She turns her back on them but can feel eyes boring into her. She doesn’t recognise any of them, but then Matt never seems to have any friends. He’s a bit of a loner. ‘I think you need to stay with me Mrs. Lucas until we get an update. The police have the school surrounded. When it’s over, and safe to approach, I’ll take you up there.’ She seems reluctant to say any more, so they wait. Eventually word goes around, that it is all over. Miss Edge beckons. They walk to the school building, and Miss Edge approaches an armed policewoman. They talk both glancing over at her once or twice. The policewoman approaches. ‘There are 3 dead and 6 wounded Mrs. Lucas’ she says. ‘This way.’ She bites back the question ‘Is Matt alright? As long as nobody says the words, there’s hope but she is terrified. They reach Matt’s classroom. The body of a boy lies spread-eagled in the corridor. It isn’t Matt. ‘He’s in there’ says the policewoman. ‘You can go in but I warn you he’s dead Mrs Lucas. He shot himself in the end. You see Matt was the shooter.’ She stepped over the boy and headed for the classroom. © Author to be revealed at the end of the challenge Full details of how Start to Finish works...HERE
5 Comments
Secret Attic
12/5/2022 06:31:37 pm
Good ending, didn't see that coming but it's a shame this story was mostly Telling instead of Showing.
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Louise Wilford
13/5/2022 04:40:57 pm
I thought this was a story that was too long for the number of words available which is why it ended up, as the previous comment mentioned, being too much telling and not enough showing. It reminded me of 'We Need To Talk About Kevin', but the telling ended up sucking away some of the drama. I had spotted the ending about a quarter of the way through. I thought it was a great idea and an original way of tackling the challenge, however.
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Jeff Jones
14/5/2022 08:54:48 am
It was a nice take on the theme but there were too many pointers "gifting" the ending, which is a shame. I liked the way despite those pointers, that the mother never even considered her son was the shooter. The interaction with the policewoman didn't strike quite right but other than that I really enjoyed it, thank you.
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Vivienne
15/5/2022 05:16:07 pm
I liked the varied use of words - tsunami, cacophony, marshalling - making for a richer reading experience. Horrific but well told. I interpreted it as maybe she might have thought it was Matt, but hoped it wasn't - he was clearly troubled - you would always hope it wasn't your son.
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Ronald T Hardwick
19/5/2022 01:07:14 pm
Interesting use of metaphor to embellish a grisly tale. Uncomfortable to read, especially after that business in Buffalo. I agree that 500 words is inadequate to develop a canvas like this fully, and all our endings seem to be unnecessarily truncated. I think this was a brave effort and I compliment the author on tackling such an unpleasant subject with brio.
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