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Mavis’s Cosy Christmas Cottage by Jonathan Hunter

29/3/2021

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Mavis made the most out of Christmas despite being alone. Sipping Camomile tea Mavis smiled as she read the lovely comments of old friends in her Christmas cards from years gone by. Falling asleep on the sofa Mavis dreamed that she was young again and dating handsome men. Since her husband Len tragically died three years ago at Christmas there had been no one in her life.


She could have napped all afternoon, but Mavis remembered she needed a few more snacks for Christmas day. Whilst buttoning up her old duffle coat she spotted Bruce the pigeon on her lawn, named after her hero Bruce Forsyth. Throwing him some leftover bread she chuckled “You need fattening up my Brucie”.

Mavis headed up the street to the nearby Lidl, putting her unwanted pennies into the Salvation Army collection tin. Grabbing her favourite treats such as pork pies, cheeses, pickles, crisps, sprouts and a Christmas cake Mavis overloaded her basket and unfortunately dropped it. Sprouts rolled uncontrollably across the aisle and the cake was crushed. A wailing Mavis was comforted by a young assistant. Generously she replaced everything for Mavis and even let her keep the half empty bag of sprouts for free.

Back at her cottage Mavis listened to Handel’s Messiah as she worked her way through a bottle of Vodka. Being alone meant no one else cared what she did. Opening up an old Edwardian chest of drawers she pulled out a 19th century pocket pistol owned by her husband Len. Stroking the gem she closed her eyes recalling memories of the two of them together. Tears trickled down her cheeks.

Glancing out at the setting sun Mavis spotted Bruce again. “I knew I could count on you to be here for me” she grinned. Aiming the pistol Bruce was hit by her first shot. Placing Bruce on a roasting tray Mavis boasted “that is at least twenty quid I have saved for charity thanks to you Bruce”. Glancing down the hall Mavis spotted a Christmas card lying on the mat in a bright red envelope. Mavis joked to herself “maybe the man of my dreams is coming after all”.

A rather hastily written message was scribbled inside the card which read,

“Merry Christmas Eileen, sorry I haven’t seen you in ages. I have tried ringing you a few times but have never caught you. I happen to be passing by on Boxing Day so will call in. Can’t wait” Love James.

Why was she getting a card for Eileen? Mavis had a restless night tossing and turning. Memories of the tragic Christmas Eve from three years ago flooded back to her. Len’s jokes irritated her insanely, but shooting him was never intentional. She had not expected the pistol to be loaded. By New Year’s Day she was in jail and her family vowed never to see her again. Mavis had expected to see out her last days there, but a year later on Christmas Day the new chief prison officer Max Fudge made a glaring error. He mistook Mavis for the elderly mum of one of the inmates and let her leave. Humiliated Max Fudge never told anyone his error.

Fleeing Mavis remembered a hermit in a nearby village called Eileen. Mavis didn’t want to kill again, but Eileen lived a miserable life anyway she conceded. With the pistol hidden in her Bible case she took out Eileen just in time to watch the Queen's speech. Mavis assumed Eileen’s identity with no one butting an eyelid. A neighbour concluded that Eileen must have finally had a haircut. Wrapping Eileen up tightly in green wrapping paper, Mavis waited until New Year’s Day before standing Eileen up amongst the conifers at a nearby Christmas tree nursery. With Eileen only being 4ft 8 Mavis thought,

“By the time these trees are tall enough for chopping down I will be long dead anyway”.

A ranger saw Mavis pulling a strange green shape along and got into an argument with his assistant saying “I told you not to spike my drink at the New Year’s Party last night”.

All had remained quiet for the two years since. Mavis had kept herself to herself to be just like Eileen. She had missed the company of others, but by creating fake online dating profiles she had some company.

Boxing Day dawned on Mavis quicker than she had hoped. Hearing a car door slam just as she was attempting to eat some porridge, Mavis pondered what to do next. Looking through the peephole she saw this James standing close by. In his mid-thirties with neatly combed back hair and glasses Mavis thought he looked every bit a banker. Opening the door with great gusto straight at him she knocked his glasses right off his face. Sliding down the front of his suit jacket they hit the floor and smashed into many pieces.

“Sorry darling I didn’t know you were so close” Mavis exclaimed, putting on her croakiest voice. “I have got a terrible cold and can barely speak. Do take a seat in my lounge whilst I sort myself out”.

After reassuring James that the nearby petrol station was still open and sold reading glasses Mavis pretended to catch up with him. She told James her year was the same as ever. James then talked at length about his children before he was text by his wife Jenny and had to dash off. Sighing with relief Mavis knew she was safe.

Over Twixmas Mavis watched every soap opera possible to recover and got a few more freebies at the CO-OP because of some unfortunate accidents. For New Year Mavis adopted a tabby cat from the animal rescue. With Eileen still a registered member there she ordered her favourite cat by delivery not having to worry about the costs. On January 3rd another card landed on her mat from James which read,

“It was great to catch up with you Eileen. I hope that your cold is better. I really enjoyed my visit and will pop in again this week with Jenny and my five kids. I am taking a break from my plumbing”.

Dropping the letter Mavis looked blankly ahead and murmured “Why didn’t I just shoot him the first time”.
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    Issue 6 & 7

    November 2020
    December 2020



    The Stories & Poems

    All
    ​After The Lockdown By Sabdapalan
    A Helping Hand By Christina Westwood
    A Little Hard Work By Carrie Hynds
    ​All Hallows Eve By Jane Bidder
    A Party? By Felicity Edwards
    A Red Breakfast By Graham Crisp
    Autumnal Muse By Yasmin Nabavi
    ​Autumn Equinox By Hilary Taylor
    Bartlett
    Beached By Maisie Bishop
    Bloodrite By Dean Hodsfry
    Bob & Phyllis By Liz Breen
    ​Broken By Allison Xu
    ​Cherie By Paul Warnes
    Christmas Cheers By Elaine Peters
    Cloak Of The Wizard © Steve Lodge
    Come The Morning Stars By Conor O’Sullivan
    ​Cursed By The Sun By Hope Nguyen
    Delight In Every Bite By Nathalie Roos
    DIY By Andrew Ball
    ​Double Trouble By Vivienne Moles
    ​Dusk Hound By Sylvie Edwards
    Eve By Hilary Davies
    Evergreen By Samantha Priestley
    Exuding Chirpiness By Jonathan Hunter
    Faces Of Home By Michelle Weaver
    First Impressions By Jeff Jones
    First Kiss By Andrew Ball
    Footsteps By Savanna Naylor
    Forever Gone By Hilary Taylor
    Gargoyles By Stephen Isle
    Glass By John Morris
    Hologram Futures By Alyson Hilbourne
    Home Remedies By Eva Bell
    ​How I Lost My Lover By Liz O’Shea
    I Don’t Like Cheats By Patsy Collins
    I'll See You When I Get There By Thomas Morgan
    Imaginary Friends By Andrew Ball
    Interconnected By Ena Catlin
    Isodel By Darren Smith
    Kings And Pawns By Dutch Simmons
    ​Letting Go By Carrie Hynds
    Log Me In By Paul Warnes
    Mask Dilemma By Elaine Peters
    Mavis’s Cosy Christmas Cottage By Jonathan Hunter
    ​Misty Mountain Feliz Piez
    Mixed Signals Or Moonbeams By Steve Lodge
    Monster Under The Bed By Patricia Green
    Mrs Stepney's Stepdaughter By Betty Hasler
    Murderous Intent By Jeff Jones
    Nifty-Fifty
    Number 69 By Eve Naden
    One Each By Andrew Ball
    One More Week By Liz Breen
    On The Meeting Of Two Minds By Ronald T Hardwick
    Pas De Deux Redux By Adele Evershed
    ​Peace In Our Time By Eve Naden
    Phil In Real Life By Sam Szanto
    ​Quantum Entanglement By Ingrid Wilson
    Roisin's Party By James Ellson
    ​Rounded Over By M H Pitcher
    Shielding By Graham Crisp
    Something Fishy Going On By Adele Evershed
    Sorry By Elaine Peters
    The Apology By Graham Crisp
    The Avenging Ghost By Eva Bell
    The Best Jest By Shelley Crowley
    The Big Issue By Steve Goodlad
    The Day With The Birds By Liz Breen
    The Dog And The Old Sailor By Ronald Hardwick
    ​The Eye Of The Shrike By Crescentia Morais
    The Full Moon By Dipayan Chakrabarti
    ​The Greater Handful By Stephen Goodlad
    The Grief Eater By Christina MacKinnon
    The Healing Stone By Katie Winkler
    The Hourglass By Madelaine Taylor
    The Last Time By Pat Mudge
    The Making By Madelaine Taylor
    The Mourner By Hilary Taylor
    The Perfect Date By Hilary Taylor
    The Phone Call By Elaine Peters
    The Plan By Hilary Taylor
    The Post-Lockdown Holiday By David A Jones
    The Queen Of The Forest By Renee Gerald
    The Ransom Note By Steve Goodlad
    The Secret To Staying Young By Saul Greenblatt
    The Tap By Beverley Byrne
    The Thing By Taqwa
    The Visit By Graham Crisp
    ​The Wanderer By BC Nwata
    The Wedding Dress By Elizabeth O’Shea
    The Winter Tree By The Somnambulist Society
    Volume Control By Grace Tierney
    ​Washing Up RJ Gardham
    Watching By Natasha Weber
    What's In A Name? By Ian Inglis
    Where Do We Go When We Die? By Matt Allen
    Wilhelmina Turns Eighty By Anita G. Gorman


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Secret Attic - Founded March 2020