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A Sociologist on Brick Lane by R.T. Hardwick

29/3/2021

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Had this clever woman at my stall yesterday. 
‘Good Morning, my man,’ she says, in the way of a Roman emperor.  She’s got a voice like an oboe, low and fruity.
‘I’m researching the importance of markets as social spaces in towns and cities.’
‘Come again?’ I replied. 
‘Annual footfall levels in markets have reduced from six to five and a half million in two decades.’
‘Football levels?  That’ll be because Millwall are so bleedin' useless these days.’
‘Footfall levels.  The number of individuals that attend markets.’
‘I put it down to people not knowing the metric.’
‘Conversely, the number of farmers’ markets has increased by 250%.’
‘Posh folk who buy there wouldn’t know if it was sirloin steak or the inside of a cow’s backside they were buying.  Stall down the road’ll sell you a plate of jellied eels for two quid – better than rump steak, in my view.’
‘We intend to examine different socio-demographic and economic contexts in local population profiles.’
‘Yeah, we do a lot of that down Brick Lane.’
‘We’re looking at both covered and uncovered markets.’
‘Well, my stall is uncovered when it’s dry, and I’ve got this bit of tarpaulin to drape over it when it’s wet.’
‘For a market to function well as a social space, there is a need to attract visitors.’
‘Look around my stall, lady.  Bin bags and liners, sweeping brushes, tupper boxes, loo paper.  Every community needs loo paper.’
‘But the unexpected?’
‘It’s all here, lady.  Builders’ buckets, duck tape, sheets for the bottom of bird cages, thermoform dinner plates.  You can’t get more unexpected than those.’
‘Thank you,’ she says. ‘You seem to be an imbecile.  Where did you say the jellied eel stall was?’
I said to Charlie later:
‘If looks could kill…’
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    Issue 10 & 11

    March 2021


    The Stories

    All
    A Flawless Defense By C.E. Tidswell
    A Mother's Love By Jo Winwood
    And Chaos Ensued By Hilary Taylor
    An Emperor By Felicity Edwards
    Another Chance By Jeff Jones
    A Ritual By Victoria Kuzmina
    A Sociologist On Brick Lane By R.T. Hardwick
    Blessed By Amy Harte
    Blood Is Thicker Than Water By Cindy Periera
    Date Night By Caitlin M Kearns
    Drama Queen By Elaine Peters
    Dying With A View By Felicity Edwards
    Flirting With Benefits By Hilary Taylor
    For Better
    For Worse By Liz Berg
    Getting Lost By Liz O'Shea
    Inaction Speaks Louder By Rachel Smith
    Justice In A Kidney Tray By Cindy Pereira
    Lost By Steve Goodlad
    Married In D Minor By Ryan Coull
    Mary And The Spirit By Graham Crisp
    Midday
    Officially Dead By Emily Dixon
    Pope Urban By Stephen Lisle
    Race Ya By James Northern
    Say Cheese By Steve Stucko
    Short Changed By Liz Berg
    Snow Angel By Steve Goodlad
    Soap By Gilles Talarek
    The Affair By Graham Crisp
    The Barista Of Verona By Steve Goodlad
    The Beacon On The Shore By Darren Arthurs
    The Doctor’s Peculiar Boy By Katrina Hayes
    The French Connection By R.T. Hardwick
    The Night Cleaner By Darren Arthurs
    The Right Place By Sven Camrath
    The Shopping Trip By Hilary Taylor
    The Suicide Tree By Beverley Byrne
    The Vaccination Centre Volunteer By Steve Goodlad
    Thursday By Darren Arthurs
    ‘Tis Goodbye By Hilary Taylor
    Wrong Number By Rachel Smith


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Secret Attic - Founded March 2020