Thursday, April 15, 2021

The Three Little Pigs Meet Goldilocks and the Three Bears by Anita Gorman

Goldilocks was a builder renowned for her excellent work in the construction of houses. She knew how to make houses of straw, houses of wood, and houses of brick. She was also adept at interior decorating and could always find just the right decor for any house, whether constructed of straw or wood or bricks of various shapes, sizes, and colors.
 
A confident young woman, Goldilocks initially preferred her real name of Gertrude Stingleforth, but her blonde hair had given her a nickname from which she could not escape. In the end she decided she liked the way GOLDILOCKS looked on a golden business card, all in capital letters, followed by Design, Construction, and Interior Decorating for All Types of People with her contact information at the bottom.

One day Goldilocks was trudging through the forest near her office, looking for possible clients. Suddenly she saw a clearing, and in the clearing she spied three little pigs, each attempting to build a house. One was working with straw, a second with wood, and a third was laboriously piling brick upon brick.

"Good afternoon, gentlemen," said Goldilocks. "Allow me to present my business card." Each little pig stopped what he was doing, wiped his hands on his apron, and accepted a card.

"Can you help us?" asked the pig who was laboring with piles of straw.

"Well, yes, but in this northern climate a straw house just isn't quite the thing. And the Big Bad Wolf could knock it down in a second or two."

"What about my house? I do so like wood," said the second little pig.

"Well," said Goldilocks, "it's a bit harder to blow down than a house made of straw. However, just like a house made of straw, a house made of wood could burn up, if the Big Bad Wolf or a streak of lightning decided to set fire to it. I could certainly help each of you if you desire a straw house or a wood house, but there's a better option."

"And that would be?" asked the little pig who was working with bricks and mortar.

"Mr. Pig, you are attempting to build the best sort of house, a brick house." Goldilocks squinted as she looked at the bricklaying the pig had so far completed. "However, I think you need my help."

Before long, the brick house, under Goldilocks' supervision, was completed.

The wood from the wooden house was used for the interior of the brick house, and the straw made quite adequate stuffing for the pigs' mattresses.

Having worked with the three little pigs for some months and having found them quite congenial and even helpful during construction and the interior decorating process, Goldilocks decided to hire them as consultants. She was tired of being a one-woman operation.

One day Goldilocks decided to wander deeper into the woods and asked the three little pigs if they would like to come along.

"Oh yes," they all oinked at once, put on their hats, and followed Goldilocks deeper into the woods.

"Boy, this place is dark and remote," said one little pig. "Right," said the other two. And then, all of a sudden they saw a clearing and a quaint, rather large brick house with three chimneys.


"I wonder who lives here," said Goldilocks as she knocked on the front door.

When no one answered, she knocked again, then turned the doorknob.

"Let's look inside," said Goldilocks, who was adventurous as well as confident. The three little pigs were somewhat less confident.

"My, what a lovely house, but it needs a bit of work. I see there are three bedrooms, a nice big kitchen, a sunroom, a substantial dining room, a game room in the basement. But we can make it better."

The pigs were tired after trundling through the woods and one by one disappeared into the bedrooms to take a nap. Goldilocks settled in the sunroom, sketching plans to improve the decor of the house, whose inhabitants were completely unknown to her. As she thought and observed, however, she decided that the house might be the home of some bears. She found that idea intriguing and added to her house plans containers of honey placed in strategic locations.

Then she heard the sound of feet, or paws. It was a thunderous sound. Soon she heard someone shout, "There's a pig in my bed!"

Then another bear shouted, "There's a pig in my bed too!'

And a third bear, with a tinier voice squeaked, "There's a pig in my bed as well!"

Goldilocks decided she had to intervene before any bears were interested in having pork chops for dinner.

"Hello. May I help you?" she asked cheerily.

The largest bear scratched his head. "May you help us? This is our house! Who are you, and why are three little pigs sleeping in our beds?"

"Because they were tired."

"That's no answer! This is our house, and we don't want any trespassers."

"Please, calm down, Mr. Bear. Let me show you what I have been doing. I'm Goldilocks, noted builder, designer, and interior decorator. Here, please take one of my business cards."

The giant bear took the card in his paw. "So?"

"I have been drawing up plans for your lovely home, so that we can make it even more lovely."

"Who's we?"

"I and the three little pigs that are currently sleeping in your beds. Aren't they cute?"

"Bears are cuter."

Goldilocks laughed. "Please, take a look at the plans I have drawn up for the remodeling of your home. Note the addition of containers of honey in every room, in handy places."

"Honey, you say?"

"Yes. I thought honey would be an added attraction, especially if you were entertaining."


"A great idea! Why didn't I think of that?"

Goldilocks smiled at the big bear. "Because I'm the expert house builder and interior decorator. And how about a nice shed behind the house? It would give the three little pigs something to do."


© Anita Gorman

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