Thursday, April 15, 2021

DIY by Andrew Ball

“What is this thing called, love?”
“Oh, very funny. It’s a whatchamacallit, a thingummy... You know.”
“You mean a doohickey?”
“More of a whatsit.”
“Well, why didn’t you say so, then? What should I do with it?”
“...”
“Don’t be vulgar.”
“Who, me?”
“I know what you were thinking, and it’s too big.”
“Now who’s being vulgar? Just pass me the thingamabob, would you?”
“This one?”
“No, that’s a thingamajig. I need the thingamabob.”
“I don’t know how you can tell them apart.”
“Easy: the thingamabob has a longer whatnot.”
“Where is it?”
“Oh, sorry. I must have left it under the hoojamaflip.”
“No, it’s not there; I looked.”
“Maybe I lent it to Bob, then.”
“Bob who?”
“Bob whatshisname.”
“Oh, that Bob. Why didn’t you say so in the first place? What did he need it for?”
“He’s building himself a knickknack. Never mind; I think I can make do with the adjustable gizmo.”
“Why don’t you call it what it is?”
“I just did.”
“No, you didn’t. You called it a gizmo.”
“An adjustable gizmo.”
“But it’s not a gizmo; it’s a dingus. Anyone can see that.”
“If it were a dingus, it’d have a bigger whosis.”
“I don’t know how you can keep all these thingies straight in your mind.”
“Oh, it’s easy when you’ve got experience. The important thing is to know all their names.”
“Here it is, then; whatever it’s called.”
“Thanks. Hold it steady so I can slide my widget into your geegaw...”
“As the actress said to the Bishop...”
“There we are... Finished.”
“Umm...”
“What?”
"Where's this bit go?"


© Andrew Ball

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